How can I develop a healthy relationship, when I never learned how to be single?

I started this week with set spiritual goals to help me progress and manifest things day by day God has in store for me. My key request this week from God was to lead me to my next career step. Ironically, which I don’t believe in coincidences, I was led back to writing. So I definitely did not want to miss the opportunity to share the information God has blessed me with.

I began a watching a series on YouTube called Before the Person: Relationship Goals on Tuesday, Feb 21 ministered by Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church. I ran across the series on the Sprinkle of Jesus app, and just thought it would be a quick sermon. Just to get a little word in my life to help me make the rest of the work week. Although the experience is definitely caring me on a spiritual high, I did not expect the message to have such a transforming effect on my perspective of dating, let alone being a single mid-twenties adult.

Before getting into the actual message of the sermon, I want to lay a little foundation to why this is so important to me, for me and for those who are single and searching like me. Society tells us being single is only acceptable when preparing for a relationship. Whether getting healthy, trying new things or meeting new people, all of these activities are helping us become the best us for a relationship then possibly marriage.

So many of us rush into relationships that are unfulfilling to us with people who don’t have a target purpose for us or with us. Every single situation or toxic cycle is a result of us not knowing who we are during our singleness and it unexpectedly surfacing during our relationships. This is why most relationships today spend more time on healing because each party is individually damaged.

Minister Todd breaks down so clearly why our singleness is so important and determines the state of our relationships and even marriage. He explains how key things God wanted us to have before entering into a relationship were presented back in the garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. Specifically, before God made Eve for Adam. He explained that God gave Adam 5 things: A place, purpose, provision, identify and parameters. He put Adam in a specific place to find out his purpose. He then granted him prevision to work that purpose. Adam would then discover and understand his identity from allowing God to put him in the right place and remaining focused on his purpose but also honoring Gods parameters.

These five things depicted the 5 requirements of what God expects us to manifest during our singleness. The first two episodes of the season deeply break down the importance of loving and perfecting your singleness, to become whole as an individual before entering a union with another whole being. When steps are not taken or appreciated, we into relationships and then marriage as broken counterparts. Spending more time point out and trying to fix each other’s flaws than manifesting the actual relationship. Minister Todd goes further by saying when we don’t take the time to perfect our singleness, we attract the wrong mate. Allowing us to create toxic relationships that go as far as blocking us from our God-given purpose.

Being single has been given such a bad context in society today, especially when reaching mid-twenties and early thirties. There is so much pressure to decide who to settle down with. Let alone, get married and start a family. There should be more intentional time spent on finding out who you are and learning how to perfect your singleness. If you don’t want to be alone with you why should anyone else want to?

I challenge everyone reading this to check out the series on YouTube, whether single, in a relationship or married. Also, take the time to understand the root of your discomfort during your singleness and start proactively start perfecting yourself as God said you should during this season.

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