So, yesterday I had a passionate conversation with God in the park. Like, I’m lost here and I need you to really hear me out, talk. I have QTNA and I need my answers soon. I have been in a series of relationships and friendships that are highly similar and I’m really trying to understand. What am I missing, God? I know I’m not picking ALL the wrong ones. A lot of people say you attract what you are, and I believe that to be somewhat true. I don’t have it all together. I’m running a business and I have several dreams and aspirations within me I’m working on bringing to life. From the outside, the package is put together well, but on the inside, there are deep-seated traumas and issues I’m healing. I know several women can relate.
I know that healing start here and it’s most important to put you together before any type of quest for a relationship. I have/ am putting in the work but somehow I always end up with the same type man, (La’Marshal’s words)
Man Description: Aspiring ( inserts occupation), doesn’t have his own car, house, etc. Working in a prosperous field, but has nothing to show for it. Figuring out his relationship with God, but still connected with toxic friends which are remotely a reflection of his past. Changing from who he was, but still back peddling.
Now, before y’all go off. I know several of these qualities are present within many guys you know. Let’s just accept it. Men are taught to hustle and strive to be the breadwinner but never trained on what to do with the bread. Within the same breath, they are also taught to have fun and don’t settle too soon while never being held accountable for their toxic actions.
While women are raised to carry the family and control the business. Yes, a relationship, situation-ship or legal marriage is a business. Someone has to manage the money coming in versus going out. Someone has to make sure a roof is over our heads, plus the children. Someone has to manage how we eat and live. Unfortunately, that someone is usually the woman.
Here I am, the woman, taught by my parents my whole life to manage everything alone without a man. Nevertheless, all that is important, but not many families are teaching girls how to do it with a man. Most importantly, very seldom are teaching boys how to do anything without help, or a woman.
So in most of my relationships, I’ve had an advantage. I have my own car and/or own space. Yes, I’m self-sufficient, I’m running things over here, honey. Unfortunately, I end up with someone’s son, excuse my bluntness, who’s most likely, on first glance, not looking for love. He’s just looking. Not just with somewhere to reside and mark as his territory, but everything.
The woman is expected to help him spiritually because he didn’t have to be in church. Next, emotionally because he was having fun. No one required him to be accountable for his actions or provided a safe place for him to be vulnerable. I know that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing. But, how can I prepare to be a wife, while pulling the weight of my potential husband?
In no way is this to bash men. When you know better, you can do better. Let’s just accept the fact, most men don’t know. They were raised by do-it-all mothers, and look for that same woman within his significant other. Unfortunately, in my relationships, I’ve given inches and walked miles for this exact same reason, but I’m not your mother.
Until tomorrow, Auntie Deh
*Feel free to comment and share your opinions whether via social media or in the box below. I’d love to hear you guys perspectives*